Ever had a manager miss a retrospective? A Director say one sentence in a one-hour meeting? A Team Lead type on their keyboard while the group discusses upcoming holiday coverage?
Or a manager who checked in with you to see how you were feeling? A Director asking follow-up questions to ensure they understood your concern correctly? A Team Lead giving a shoutout for your latest published blog post?
I believe your answer is yes. You’ve had one of these people as your manager. So what do they all have in common? They led, they managed – whether they were trying or not. Because you cannot not lead. You cannot not manage.
It’s not about being good or mediocre
When I say they all led, I’m not saying whether they led well or not. It’s not about the leadership style. It’s about the fact that whatever someone in a leadership role does, they are leading. Being absent from a meeting is leading. Maybe it was positive that the manager missed the retrospective – maybe it was on purpose. I don’t know, and I don’t care. They led by being absent.
The Team Lead who gave the shoutout? They led too. Sure, it seems more positive because they recognised your work - but maybe you felt uncomfortable receiving public praise. I don’t know, and I don’t care. They led by giving the shoutout.
One cannot not communicate
If you’ve heard of Paul Watzlawick and his five communication axioms, my statement “You cannot not lead” might sound familiar. Watzlawick, a therapist, psychologist and communication theorist, famously stated in his first axiom: “One cannot not communicate”. Meaning that literally every behaviour, be it as small as a wink or an eye roll, is a form of communication. You simply cannot not communicate. And once you see leadership and management through this lens – as something unavoidable – it becomes impossible to ignore the impact you as a leader have on others.
There’s no person on earth who cannot not communicate. Same as there’s no one in a leadership role who can escape the fact that they are leading – always. If you, as a manager, are missing a meeting, make sure your absence aligns with how you want to be perceived as a leader. If it’s because you are in another meeting – say so and excuse yourself. Be intentional. If you want to give someone a shoutout? Ask them how they like to receive praise! Be intentional. Lead intentionally.
Why should you care?
Being a manager is not only about getting a title or a higher salary – it also comes with more responsibility. That responsibility doesn’t start and end with your 1:1s. It starts when you begin your day and ends when you finish it. Whatever you say, however you react, whatever opinion you voice in a public environment – you are leading. Be aware of that. Because there’s no such thing as not leading: you cannot not lead.
So start leading on purpose!
